North End Zone Nachos
Auburn’s new athletic director recently gave a radio interview where he discussed, with the usual bland buzzwords, his quest to begin a legacy. A prosperous tenure will require a coach’s scalp for his coup stick, a big trophy, or a new wing of the cathedral to appease the faithful. Smartly, he singled out the small, archaic scoreboard atop the much-maligned north endzone of Jordan-Hare Stadium for this triumphant feat. Out with the old. In with the new.
I am always struck by how stale the New Auburn feels. Both the town and university are victims of the collegiate arms race that has sterilized the experience into a branded monoculture. It may all be wrapped in orange and blue, but it’s devoid of heart, as though the Tailgate Guys, unsatisfied with their pregame tent empire, encroached into college administration and city planning. There’s a Whataburger where Bodega once stood. I fear to even look at what antiseptic building now exists in the spot where the Supper Club used to sit. We have generic apartment complexes masquerading as dormitories, tasteless as they are ubiquitous. Never thought I’d pine for Sewell Hall or the cement walls of the CDV. Surely, Beard-Eaves is next? What about Parker Hall? Haley Center? And when will things considered new in 2004 meet their eventual demise or has that already begun?
My college memories clashed with this new reality a few years ago. After a home game, the traffic pattern had me turned around until I pulled into the parking lot of Momma Goldberg’s Deli. Not the original location that’s been around since 1976, rather it was a new Momma G’s in a little strip mall. Unfortunately, I tried it out. The guy who made my Momma’s Love didn’t look high at all, and the steamer he used to heat the food was shiny and pristine. The sandwich was boring, and the nachos matched the usual ridicule of their very simple construction: Nacho Cheese Doritos, pepper jack cheese slices, pickled jalapeno peppers (optional), steam.
I’ve tried to improvise this simple recipe in my home kitchen over the years. The ingredients are easy, but the methodology is impossible to recreate. The microwave doesn’t cut it. The oven doesn’t quite do it either. I’ve tried a cast iron skillet, a homemade steamer, and an air fryer. None have equaled what was produced from the original grimy steamers in the original grimy Momma G’s location. Not my version. Not some franchised version down the road, across the state line, or anywhere else.
Soon, the north end zone will undergo its own metamorphosis, transforming into decadent glut featuring luxury suites, HD ad space, and stadium architecture indistinguishable from Tuscaloosa, Baton Rouge, or College Station. If I was the athletic director, I wouldn’t replace the scoreboard at all. I’d build around it so every time an Auburn fan looked toward the north end zone, they’d see the obvious connection to what was and what is. But short of that, this is my compromise: North Endzone Nachos. Maintaining the traditional; allowing for premium upgrades to eventually drive the price of tuition even higher.
NACHO BASE
Ingredients:
1. Bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos
2. Pepper jack cheese slices
3. Tamed/pickled jalapenos (optional)
Instructions:
1. Spread the chips out.
2. Put cheese slices on the chips
3. Melt the cheese
4. Add jalapenos before/after (optional)
PREMIUM QUESO TOPPING (Note – proportions are up to the user)
Ingredients:
1. 1 cup crumbled queso fresco or goat cheese (for texture and tang)
2. 1 lb block of aged cheddar cheese (grated)
3. 1 lb block of Gruyère or Fontina cheese (grated)
4. 1 can of evaporated milk
5. 1/2 cup of heavy cream
6. 2 cloves garlic (minced)
7. 1 small shallot (minced)
8. 1 truffle (finely grated) or 1 tablespoon truffle oil
9. 1 tablespoon of brandy or cognac (for depth)
10. 1/2 teaspoon of smoked paprika
11. Fresh thyme leaves (for garnish)
12. Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste
13. 1 tablespoon olive oil
14. 4 tablespoons caviar
Instructions:
1. Preparation: In a medium saucepan, sauté the minced garlic and shallot in olive oil until translucent but not browned.
2. Cheese Melting: Add the evaporated milk and heavy cream into the saucepan and heat it up over low flame. Begin by gradually adding the aged cheddar, and then the Gruyère or Fontina, stirring constantly to prevent lumps.
3. Flavor Enhancement: Once the cheese is completely melted, stir in the brandy or cognac, smoked paprika, and freshly grated truffle or truffle oil. Continue to stir and allow the flavors to meld together.
4. Seasoning: Add salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste.
5. Textural Contrast: Fold in the crumbled queso fresco or goat cheese for added texture and tang.
6. Finishing Touch: Pour the queso dip into a serving dish and garnish with fresh thyme leaves. If you're feeling especially opulent, top the dip with caviar.
7. Drizzle/Douse Queso over Nachos